I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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