Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
