I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
