he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
