I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
