You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
