I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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