3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
