dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
