my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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