he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
