Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
