I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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