What a fucking waste of an outfit
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
