So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
