mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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