You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
