You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
