I love black thongs
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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