Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
