Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
