My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
