Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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