I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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