i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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