When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
