omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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