im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize