Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
