You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
