fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
