There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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