It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize