do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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