Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize