If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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