he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How's work?
Spinning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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