420 ftw
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
