Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
