Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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