I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
