remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
