wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
