Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
