i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
