I want to make a zoo with you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
