Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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