Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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