Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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