people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
