how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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