I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
