i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
