Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
