forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
