Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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