My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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