i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
now i know why i became what i already was.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
