I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Green mimosas i think yes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
