Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
