Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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