dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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