guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
