Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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