i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize