My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
