Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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