im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
PANTIES FOUND
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
