Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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