You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
