your thong is hanging out like whoa
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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