It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize