i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
