She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
