so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
