Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
