yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
