My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
