Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
