Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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