i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
