she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
