I accidentally had phone sex last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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