I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
