At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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