Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
high people should be assigned attendants
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
