I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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